If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
