wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
