what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
third nipple confirmed
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize