I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
