Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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