Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My ATM looks so different sober.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
