we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
