Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
