plz talk dirty to me
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
