Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
then he tried to convert me to islam
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
