He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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