you guys were way drunker than both of me
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
