I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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