i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
