One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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