do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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