Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
