her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
