He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
