Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
