Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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