Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize