I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
