I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
