So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
