you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
