I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
