Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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