ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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