He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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