Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
