I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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