I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
