Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
