you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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