All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
