So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
