btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize