so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
