Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Soap is not a condiment
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
