I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
