You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
