The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
