I puked a lego.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
