omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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