i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
