i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
