it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
