Kareoke will never be a sober sport
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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