Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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