That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
