my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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