I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
