i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
