the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
