my phone needs a breathalizer
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
