two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
