k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
