god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
