I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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