I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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