he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
