I wanna passion pit in your ass
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
BRING THE BAGELS
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
